The misadventure called boards
Being a class 12 student in this country is not very easy. For the simple
reason the people who chanted om... om... till recently now chant boards...
boards, from teachers and parents to relatives and even the guards in the
building. It is obviously their favorite pass time to remind the poor student
that it is her board year as if she has some disease of forgetting.
So that is how my journey of boards began like any other kid. And the bumpiest phase of this roller coaster ride? The two long drawn months of March and April! And when I say long I mean really long, like really really long.
So coming back to the point, even though the terror was to start from 9th march, I allowed it to start from 1st March. There were skirmishes of course that started much earlier that included the practicals and practice tests in schools but they were just the tip of the ice berg. I thought that maybe bringing about the internal pressures upon me would help as it will be just one part of the whole eustress thing but I was totally wrong there.
The first few days leading to English were full of some sort of a combination of excitement, anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, food, soft drinks, excess motivation etc. I was so high (on motivation) that I actually went to the college library and sat there for hours to study and do papers. Though I never went there back again. For the first time in probably years I would have practiced those forgotten sections of comprehension and writing and to some extent literature section in more detail too. I never realized but damn English is hell lot of work. For the first time I thought maybe I’m not as prepared in English as I thought.
On the big day for some unknown reason I was ready to burst into tears. The fact that half the teachers in my school had turned up at the examination centre was even more embarrassing because by that time I was ready to run away. Though it felt nice to be called out by your English teacher amongst the crowd for the best wishes. Once inside the examination room surrounded by my classmates with the answer sheet in hand did I feel my heart pounding at the double the rate it should and came to the realization that it has actually begun and there’s no turning back now.
I had two weeks for history. This being my favourite subject I was more at ease. But even after all the confidence and the continued high effect I just could not bring myself to solve papers successfully. Every time I sat down to do a paper, the questions would haunt me. Even when I knew the answers, the questions would seem like those far away relatives who you would have met only once when you were probably an infant. The second problem was that I am very bad at maps and that meant I might be losing out on full five marks of the 80 marks paper already. But thankfully by the end of the two week gap I could get over my phobia of papers and could successfully distinguish Azamgarh from Gorakhpur on the tiny political map of India.
The first wave of disaster came during the third exam, that is, Political science. I find this subject interesting but somehow am not too fond of it. Naturally my stress levels rose. When we are stressed we seek comfort food which is high in calories. So three days before the exam, I in an extremely anxious mood almost crying, ordered what is also a synonym for love – pizza. And next day by afternoon- evening I had food poisoning and real bad it was. Just to give you a context of how bad it was, for the whole of that day I was puking and the next day that is one day before the exam I was in the hospital for almost half a day on drip. For some time we were worried that I may not be able to give the exam at all. It obviously went worse than what I initially expected.
The second wave of disaster and which really shook me was the whole economics paper itself. I had prepared well. I had done papers honestly. I had even gone through two papers on the morning of the exam. I still don’t know how, what or why happened. I made a disaster of the paper and I still live in denial and refuse to accept the fact that hell lot of marks are going and I can’t even understand why. I would almost always agree that economics is not really my cup of tea but I never thought that this cup would spill on me and cause me to live with those burns all my life.
The last wave of disaster was the week that followed economics that lead to my final and the most important exam now – psychology. It became important because now I had ruined my economics exam. So not only I had to fight my own demons but also keep up some motivation which had completely died out. I was tired – mentally, physically in every way possible. I was jealous of other people’s freedom. I was low on motivation. I just did not feel like studying no matter how many breaks I took. I hated looking at my book. I wanted to burn it and throw it down the building. I hated every second every minute of it. Three days before I started a countdown… in hours.
Then the last day finally came. The last time ever I gave a board exam. The last time ever I sat on those highly uncomfortable KV seats. I am hoping this exam was a miracle after the previous nightmare. But that day I could not care less. I was elated when I handed over the answer sheet. My happiness knew no bounds because I was finally free. On top of that I received a new phone as promised, totally unconditional. Even the crappiest songs on radio seemed like meditation music.
So that is how my journey of boards began like any other kid. And the bumpiest phase of this roller coaster ride? The two long drawn months of March and April! And when I say long I mean really long, like really really long.
So coming back to the point, even though the terror was to start from 9th march, I allowed it to start from 1st March. There were skirmishes of course that started much earlier that included the practicals and practice tests in schools but they were just the tip of the ice berg. I thought that maybe bringing about the internal pressures upon me would help as it will be just one part of the whole eustress thing but I was totally wrong there.
The first few days leading to English were full of some sort of a combination of excitement, anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, food, soft drinks, excess motivation etc. I was so high (on motivation) that I actually went to the college library and sat there for hours to study and do papers. Though I never went there back again. For the first time in probably years I would have practiced those forgotten sections of comprehension and writing and to some extent literature section in more detail too. I never realized but damn English is hell lot of work. For the first time I thought maybe I’m not as prepared in English as I thought.
On the big day for some unknown reason I was ready to burst into tears. The fact that half the teachers in my school had turned up at the examination centre was even more embarrassing because by that time I was ready to run away. Though it felt nice to be called out by your English teacher amongst the crowd for the best wishes. Once inside the examination room surrounded by my classmates with the answer sheet in hand did I feel my heart pounding at the double the rate it should and came to the realization that it has actually begun and there’s no turning back now.
I had two weeks for history. This being my favourite subject I was more at ease. But even after all the confidence and the continued high effect I just could not bring myself to solve papers successfully. Every time I sat down to do a paper, the questions would haunt me. Even when I knew the answers, the questions would seem like those far away relatives who you would have met only once when you were probably an infant. The second problem was that I am very bad at maps and that meant I might be losing out on full five marks of the 80 marks paper already. But thankfully by the end of the two week gap I could get over my phobia of papers and could successfully distinguish Azamgarh from Gorakhpur on the tiny political map of India.
The first wave of disaster came during the third exam, that is, Political science. I find this subject interesting but somehow am not too fond of it. Naturally my stress levels rose. When we are stressed we seek comfort food which is high in calories. So three days before the exam, I in an extremely anxious mood almost crying, ordered what is also a synonym for love – pizza. And next day by afternoon- evening I had food poisoning and real bad it was. Just to give you a context of how bad it was, for the whole of that day I was puking and the next day that is one day before the exam I was in the hospital for almost half a day on drip. For some time we were worried that I may not be able to give the exam at all. It obviously went worse than what I initially expected.
The second wave of disaster and which really shook me was the whole economics paper itself. I had prepared well. I had done papers honestly. I had even gone through two papers on the morning of the exam. I still don’t know how, what or why happened. I made a disaster of the paper and I still live in denial and refuse to accept the fact that hell lot of marks are going and I can’t even understand why. I would almost always agree that economics is not really my cup of tea but I never thought that this cup would spill on me and cause me to live with those burns all my life.
The last wave of disaster was the week that followed economics that lead to my final and the most important exam now – psychology. It became important because now I had ruined my economics exam. So not only I had to fight my own demons but also keep up some motivation which had completely died out. I was tired – mentally, physically in every way possible. I was jealous of other people’s freedom. I was low on motivation. I just did not feel like studying no matter how many breaks I took. I hated looking at my book. I wanted to burn it and throw it down the building. I hated every second every minute of it. Three days before I started a countdown… in hours.
Then the last day finally came. The last time ever I gave a board exam. The last time ever I sat on those highly uncomfortable KV seats. I am hoping this exam was a miracle after the previous nightmare. But that day I could not care less. I was elated when I handed over the answer sheet. My happiness knew no bounds because I was finally free. On top of that I received a new phone as promised, totally unconditional. Even the crappiest songs on radio seemed like meditation music.
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